Reconciliation

Few things are harder than saying "I was wrong" out loud, and few are more freeing than hearing that you are forgiven. The sacrament of Reconciliation is where both happen. It goes by several names, each catching part of it: conversion, penance, confession, forgiveness and reconciliation (CCC 1423–1424). Whatever the name, it is Christ's way of welcoming sinners home.

Why confess to a priest?

Only God can forgive sins (CCC 1441). Jesus forgave sins on his own authority (Mark 2:5–10). On the evening of the Resurrection he gave his apostles a share in that work:

Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.

— John 20:22–23

The bishops and priests who succeed the apostles carry out this ministry today (CCC 1461). The priest is not a private listener who forgives on his own account. He acts as the minister of Christ's forgiveness and on behalf of the Church, because sin wounds our friendship with the Church as well as with God, and the sacrament heals both (CCC 1440, 1442–1445). There is human wisdom in it too: we need to name what we have done, and to hear aloud that it is forgiven.

Mortal and venial sin, simply put

Not every sin is equally serious (CCC 1854). A mortal sin is a grave offence committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent. All three conditions must be present (CCC 1857). It destroys the life of charity in us, our living friendship with God (CCC 1855). What counts as grave matter is spelled out by the Ten Commandments (CCC 1858). Ignorance that is not our fault, pressure, fear and similar factors can lessen or even remove our responsibility (CCC 1860).

A venial sin involves a lesser matter, or a grave one done without full knowledge or full consent. It wounds charity but does not destroy it (CCC 1855, 1862–1863). Venial sins can be forgiven in other ways too, but confessing them is strongly recommended, because it helps us grow (CCC 1458).

If you are unsure how serious something was, bring it to confession; the priest can help.

What the penitent does, and what God does

The sacrament has two parts: the acts of the person confessing, and God's action through the priest (CCC 1448).

• Contrition. Sorrow for sin with a resolution not to sin again (CCC 1451). Sorrow that comes from love of God is called perfect; sorrow prompted by the ugliness of sin or fear of its consequences is imperfect, but it is also a gift of God and enough to bring us to the sacrament (CCC 1452–1453).
• Confession. Telling our sins to the priest. All mortal sins we remember after an honest examination must be confessed, by their kind and, as far as we can, their number (CCC 1456; Code of Canon Law, can. 988).
• Satisfaction. The priest gives a penance, such as a prayer, an act of service or a small sacrifice, to help repair the harm done and to heal the habits sin leaves behind (CCC 1459–1460).
• Absolution. The priest, acting in Christ's name, says the words of forgiveness, which end "I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit" (CCC 1449). Sin is forgiven, and we are reconciled with God and with the Church (CCC 1468–1469).

The seal of confession

Every priest who hears confessions is bound, under very severe penalties, to keep absolute secrecy about what penitents tell him. He may not use that knowledge in any way. This is called the sacramental seal, and it admits no exceptions (CCC 1467). What you say in confession stays there.

How to go to confession

1. Prepare. Spend some quiet time looking back over your life since your last confession. The Ten Commandments or a printed examination of conscience make good guides.
2. Find a time. Parishes post their confession times, and most priests will gladly arrange an appointment if you ask.
3. Choose how. You can usually kneel behind a screen and remain anonymous, or sit face to face with the priest.
4. Begin. Make the sign of the cross. The priest may greet you or read a short passage of Scripture. Many people then say the traditional words, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned", and say how long it has been since their last confession.
5. Confess. Name your sins simply and honestly. There is no need for long stories.
6. Listen. The priest may offer some advice, and he will give you a penance.
7. Express sorrow. Say an act of contrition, any prayer of sorrow. Even "Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner" is enough.
8. Receive absolution. The priest prays the words of absolution, and you answer "Amen."
9. Do your penance soon afterwards, and give thanks.

If it has been a long time

Simply tell the priest at the start: "It has been many years, and I am not sure what to do." He will walk you through it. Priests hear this often, and it is among the happiest things they hear. Do your honest best with numbers; an estimate is fine. A sin you genuinely forget is forgiven with the rest; if it was serious and you remember it later, mention it the next time you go. For more help, see If you are returning.

At least once a year, and more often

Once they reach the age of discretion, Catholics are bound to confess serious sins at least once a year. Anyone aware of a mortal sin must not receive Communion before going to confession, unless there is a grave reason and no chance to confess; even then they must make an act of perfect contrition, intending to confess as soon as possible (CCC 1457; Code of Canon Law, can. 916). Children make their first confession before their First Communion (CCC 1457).

Going deeper

• The Examen and Conscience help with preparing.
• The Eucharist is where Reconciliation leads.
• In the Catechism: CCC 1422–1498 on this sacrament, and CCC 1846–1876 on sin.