If You Are Returning

Maybe you drifted away slowly, or left in anger, or simply stopped going after you moved and never found a new parish. Maybe it has been a year, or thirty. Whatever the story, you are welcome back. Nobody is waiting at the door with a list of questions. The Church's own picture of coming home is the father in Jesus' parable who sees his son "while he was yet at a distance" and runs to meet him (Luke 15:20; cf. CCC 1439).

The way back

For most people the way back has two steps: the sacrament of Reconciliation (also called confession, or penance), and then Sunday Mass.

Reconciliation is the sacrament in which Christ, through the priest, forgives the sins we have committed after Baptism and restores us to friendship with God and the Church (CCC 1422, 1468). The Church teaches that anyone conscious of a grave sin must go to confession before receiving Communion (CCC 1385, 1457). For many people who have been away, that is the first step. It is not a hurdle put in your way; it is the door being opened. The Fathers of the early Church called it the "second plank" of salvation, the one you grab after the shipwreck of losing grace (CCC 1446).

Then come to Mass on Sunday. If you are not yet able to receive Communion, come anyway. You belong there, and you can pray, listen and make a quiet act of desire for Christ while others go forward.

Practical steps

Find a parish. Search for Catholic parishes near you. Most have a website or a newsletter with Mass times and confession times. If one parish does not feel like home, try another; you are free to.

Find confession times. Many parishes hear confessions on Saturday, often in the late morning or before the evening Mass. If the times do not suit you, or if you would rather not be rushed, phone or email the parish office and ask for an appointment with a priest. This is a normal request.

What to say if it has been years. You do not need a script. After the priest greets you, you might say: "Bless me, Father. It has been about twenty years since my last confession. I have been away from the Church and I want to come back, but I am not sure how to do this. Could you help me?" Priests hear this often and are glad to. He will guide you through it.

Before you go, it helps to spend some time in quiet, asking the Holy Spirit to show you what needs to be confessed. You do not need to recall every detail of every year. Confess every serious sin you can remember after an honest look back; the Church teaches that when you confess all you can remember, you place them all before God's mercy (CCC 1456). An examination of conscience, a guided set of questions based on the Commandments, can help; many parishes have one printed, and the Examen explains how this differs from the short daily prayer of review.

Everything you say is protected by the seal of confession: a priest may never reveal it, to anyone, for any reason (CCC 1467).

Common worries

"I don't remember how any of it goes." That is fine. Tell the priest. At Mass, follow the people around you or use the card in the pew. The Mass as prayer sets out its parts.

"I'm afraid the priest will be shocked." He will not. Priests are sinners who go to confession themselves. Whatever you bring, he has almost certainly heard before, and what he wants is to see you reconciled.

"My marriage is not recognised by the Church." If you married outside the Church, or were divorced and remarried without an annulment (properly, a declaration of nullity, a finding that a marriage was not valid from the start), please do not try to work out on your own what is or is not possible. Situations differ greatly, and some can be resolved more simply than people expect. Until a situation like this is resolved, you may not be able to receive Communion (CCC 1650), so talk to a priest. Whatever your situation, the Church wants you at Mass, praying and taking part in the life of the parish (CCC 1651).

"I was never confirmed." Many adults were not. It does not stop you from coming back, going to confession or coming to Mass. The Church does want every baptised person to receive Confirmation (CCC 1306), and most parishes or dioceses run preparation for adults. Ask at the parish office.

"I'm not sure I believe all of it." Come anyway, and bring your questions. Faith often grows by practice and patience. Read, pray, ask a priest or a friend you trust. The Church has room for honest searching.

"I left because someone in the Church hurt me." That wound is real, and if it involved abuse, it is a grave wrong that should never have happened. You are not obliged to return to the same parish or the same people. A priest can listen, and your diocese has a safeguarding office if something needs to be reported.

Going deeper

• Reconciliation: what the sacrament is and how it works.
• The Eucharist: what you are coming back to.
• The Examen: a short daily prayer to keep the door open.
• In the Catechism: CCC 1439, the parable of the prodigal son as the pattern of every conversion; and CCC 1422–1470 on the sacrament of Reconciliation.