Matrimony
Marriage in God's plan and as a sacrament: the couple as ministers, consent, unity and permanence, the domestic church, and when marriages break down.
Awaiting review A priest has not yet reviewed this article. Read it alongside the Catechism paragraphs it cites, and take questions to your parish.
At a wedding, two people stand before everyone they love and make a promise for life. In the sacrament of Matrimony, a man and a woman give themselves to each other in a lifelong partnership ordered to their own good and to the gift of children, and Christ makes their bond a living sign of his love for the Church (CCC 1601, 1617).
Marriage in God's plan
Marriage is not a human invention; God himself is its author, writing it into our nature as he created us (CCC 1603). Scripture opens with the creation of man and woman and closes with the wedding feast of the Lamb (Revelation 19:7, 9; CCC 1602). Genesis gives a line Jesus himself would quote:
Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.
— Genesis 2:24
Asked about divorce, Jesus pointed back to that beginning: Moses had allowed divorce because of hard hearts, but it was not so from the beginning (Matthew 19:3–9).
What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder.
— Matthew 19:6
St Paul asks husbands and wives to be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ, and husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her. Marriage, he says, is a great mystery that points to Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:21–33; CCC 1616).
The couple are the ministers
In the Latin Church, the bride and groom themselves are the ministers of the sacrament. They confer it on each other by expressing their consent before the Church (CCC 1623). The priest or deacon who presides receives their consent in the Church's name and gives the Church's blessing, before two witnesses (CCC 1630). In the Eastern Churches the priest's blessing is also needed for the sacrament to be valid, and in the Byzantine tradition the couple are crowned (CCC 1623).
Catholics ordinarily marry in this public, church form (CCC 1631), usually during Mass when both are Catholic (CCC 1621). A Catholic marrying a Christian of another communion, or someone not baptised, needs the Church's permission or dispensation (CCC 1633–1637).
What to expect when you prepare
Contact your parish well in advance; many dioceses ask for six months or more. Expect some marriage preparation, paperwork showing that you are both free to marry, and time to plan the liturgy.
Consent makes the marriage
The consent the couple exchange is the indispensable element that makes the marriage; without it there is no marriage at all (CCC 1626–1627). That consent must be a free act of the will: no one may be forced into it by pressure or grave fear, and no one else can give it for them (CCC 1625, 1628).
Unity, permanence and openness to children
Married love asks three things (CCC 1643–1654):
- Unity. Husband and wife become one flesh, a union of equal dignity that excludes anyone else (CCC 1644–1645).
- Indissolubility. The bond lasts until death. A marriage validly made and consummated between two baptised people cannot be dissolved by any human power (CCC 1640, 1644).
- Openness to children. Marriage is by its nature ordered to the gift of children and their upbringing, and parents are their children's first teachers in the faith (CCC 1652–1653). Couples who cannot have children can still live a married life full of meaning, fruitful in charity, hospitality and sacrifice (CCC 1654).
Christ is the source of the sacrament's grace: he stays with the couple, helping them rise after falls, forgive one another and carry one another's burdens (CCC 1641–1642).
The domestic church
The Church calls the Christian family the domestic church, the church in the home (CCC 1655–1656). It is the first school of Christian life, where we learn patience, the joy of work, love for one another, generous and repeated forgiveness, and prayer (CCC 1657). And the Church's doors are open to all, including those who live alone (CCC 1658).
When a marriage breaks down
Some marriages end in great suffering. If that is your situation, you are not alone and you are not outside the Church.
Sometimes living together becomes practically impossible, and the Church permits spouses to separate; anyone in danger should seek safety. Separated spouses remain married before God and are not free to marry someone else (CCC 1649). A civil divorce may be tolerated to secure legal rights or the care of children, and a spouse who has been abandoned has done no wrong (CCC 2383, 2386). Being divorced does not, on its own, keep anyone from Communion.
Those who have divorced and remarried civilly are in a situation the Catechism calls objectively contrary to God's law, and so they do not receive Communion while it continues (CCC 1650). Yet the Catechism insists they are not separated from the Church. Priests and parishes should show them attentive care, and they are encouraged to come to Mass, pray, raise their children in the faith and share in the Church's life (CCC 1651).
Sometimes a Church tribunal, after careful study, finds that a marriage was never valid from the start, for example because consent was not truly free. It then issues a declaration of nullity, often called an annulment (CCC 1629). This is not a "Catholic divorce". Divorce claims to end a real marriage; a declaration of nullity finds that the marriage bond never came into being. It does not mean the love was unreal, and children of such a union remain legitimate. If any of this touches your life, please speak with your priest. He will listen, and he can help you take the next step.
Going deeper
- What a sacrament is on how Matrimony fits among the seven.
- The Ten Commandments and The virtues on living faithful love.
- In the Catechism: CCC 1601–1666 on Matrimony, and CCC 2331–2400 on the sixth commandment.